On Fasting

This week has been an interesting one to say the least. My school, and the church it is a part of (Calvary Chapel Corvallis) has been participating in a week-long fast congregationally. In case you're unsure, fasting is denying the physical in search of the spiritual. Generally, people go without food for a period of time for different reasons. It can be to seek direction from God, to humble yourself before God, to enter into greater worship of God, or to consecrate yourself for God's purposes. The church was encouraged to do a juice fast from Sunday, February 1 (yes, Super Bowl Sunday) to Saturday, February 7. A juice fast allows for participants to drink juices, or even broths, but eat no solid foods, or whole liquid foods like milk. Other types include a fruits and vegetables fast, where you only eat fruit and veggies, a water fast, where you only drink water, or fasts from other types of things, such as a media fast or whatever. I chose to do a daylight fast, where I didn't eat breakfast or lunch, but ate dinner.

The biggest thing I learned through this week has been that I am SO WEAK!! If you are looking for a humbling perspective, fasting is a great way to find it! I was shocked at how challenging it was to deny myself the instant gratification that food provides. I was unable to go more than 3 1/2 days without breaking my fast, twice. And I was even eating one meal a day! The amount of guilt and self-condemnation I experienced as a result was truly devastating. And I found myself so prone to comparisons. I felt that because I wasn't doing a full juice fast, I was somehow "less spiritual" that everyone else. And I was so quick to assume that I was the only one who had failed. Wednesday and Thursday were pretty low days for me.

But I learned something through all this. My spirituality is not based on anyone else. My spirituality is based on my own relationship with God and how obedient I am to what He has called me to. When I am walking in what He has called me to, I am at my own spiritual high. This has nothing to do with emotions, or what anyone else is doing, or even how many "good deeds" I am doing. It is a state of surrender and submission to the Master Planner, and trusting in what He has for me. And more than surrender and submission and trusting, I am moving forward in what God has called ME to, not anyone else. How freeing this truth is! It reminds me of a passage in John 21:20-22. Jesus is talking with Peter, telling him what he is to do with his life, "Feed my sheep". Peter asks Jesus about the calling on John's life, and Jesus' reply totally cuts down Peter's thought process. He says, "If I want him to remain alive until I return, whit is that to you? You must follow me." It's not about what God has called anyone else to, it's about what He has called me to. And this calling is what He uniquely created me for, no one else can do it exactly as I can.

So, needless to say, I have ended my fast two days early. But I don't feel bad about that any more. It honestly wasn't a healthy thing for me at this time, not physically but spiritually and emotionally. But I'm not giving up on fasting, just taking a step back to evaluate what I have learned before I give it a try again. It's amazing how much we can learn in just a few days. And it is so not what I was expecting to learn! Thank you Lord!!