A Period of Waiting

This picture makes me laugh. It was taken at a Passover dinner I attended at a Christian guys house this year. It is my best Virgin Mary impression :) If you have never attended an authentic Passover or seder dinner, I would highly recommend it. It is so rich in tradition and culture, and a true learning opportunity into a little bit of the heritage of Christian beliefs. But I digress.

It has been a while since I last posted. A lot has been going on in the last two weeks, but I didn't feel like I was ready to talk about it yet. But I am going to attempt to shed a little light on what has been happening lately. I have really been wrestling with the job decision and whether to go to Salt Lake or not. The job is such an amazing opportunity, but I couldn't feel peace about it. I didn't want to just be a chicken and not go because I was scared, so I spent about a week in serious prayer and seeking God's will to make sure that this restlessness was from Him. So this past Saturday I went to Eugene to hang out with my parents and go to a bridal shower and I decided for sure that I will not be taking the job in Salt Lake. This was huge for me to finally admit to myself that it is not the direction I want my life to go. The things I am passionate about, my ministry, teaching, and helping college students are all not a part of that job. So why then would I take it? I am such a people pleaser that it is hard for me to turn down such a great opportunity, I know a lot of people won't understand my decision. But I am ok with that. I am waiting on the Lord to provide a job for me, hopefully in Corvallis, and that is where I am feeling a peace that transcends all understanding. Last week I memorized Psalm 25 and the verse that stuck out to me the most was v.9 "He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way." This experience is so very humbling for me because I have always been such a planner. I take it as a poor reflection on myself if I don't know what is coming next in my life. So it is hard for me to admit that I HAVE NO IDEA what I will be doing after this summer. But that is ok, because I am humbled, and God promises to guide me and teach me. I take such solace in that.

All I know for now is that I have a part time job at the coffee shop on campus I have been working at all year for the summer, and I can stay in my apartment through the end of July. But God is so good, I am not worried about that. I know I need to be proactive in my job search, but I am confident that He will provide when there seems to be no way. I know I am not finished yet, and this trying time is not over, but if I keep my focus on Christ, it will all be ok.

Thank you all for your prayers over the past few weeks...I have felt them so strongly. Having your prayer support means the world to me.