On Fasting

This week has been an interesting one to say the least. My school, and the church it is a part of (Calvary Chapel Corvallis) has been participating in a week-long fast congregationally. In case you're unsure, fasting is denying the physical in search of the spiritual. Generally, people go without food for a period of time for different reasons. It can be to seek direction from God, to humble yourself before God, to enter into greater worship of God, or to consecrate yourself for God's purposes. The church was encouraged to do a juice fast from Sunday, February 1 (yes, Super Bowl Sunday) to Saturday, February 7. A juice fast allows for participants to drink juices, or even broths, but eat no solid foods, or whole liquid foods like milk. Other types include a fruits and vegetables fast, where you only eat fruit and veggies, a water fast, where you only drink water, or fasts from other types of things, such as a media fast or whatever. I chose to do a daylight fast, where I didn't eat breakfast or lunch, but ate dinner.

The biggest thing I learned through this week has been that I am SO WEAK!! If you are looking for a humbling perspective, fasting is a great way to find it! I was shocked at how challenging it was to deny myself the instant gratification that food provides. I was unable to go more than 3 1/2 days without breaking my fast, twice. And I was even eating one meal a day! The amount of guilt and self-condemnation I experienced as a result was truly devastating. And I found myself so prone to comparisons. I felt that because I wasn't doing a full juice fast, I was somehow "less spiritual" that everyone else. And I was so quick to assume that I was the only one who had failed. Wednesday and Thursday were pretty low days for me.

But I learned something through all this. My spirituality is not based on anyone else. My spirituality is based on my own relationship with God and how obedient I am to what He has called me to. When I am walking in what He has called me to, I am at my own spiritual high. This has nothing to do with emotions, or what anyone else is doing, or even how many "good deeds" I am doing. It is a state of surrender and submission to the Master Planner, and trusting in what He has for me. And more than surrender and submission and trusting, I am moving forward in what God has called ME to, not anyone else. How freeing this truth is! It reminds me of a passage in John 21:20-22. Jesus is talking with Peter, telling him what he is to do with his life, "Feed my sheep". Peter asks Jesus about the calling on John's life, and Jesus' reply totally cuts down Peter's thought process. He says, "If I want him to remain alive until I return, whit is that to you? You must follow me." It's not about what God has called anyone else to, it's about what He has called me to. And this calling is what He uniquely created me for, no one else can do it exactly as I can.

So, needless to say, I have ended my fast two days early. But I don't feel bad about that any more. It honestly wasn't a healthy thing for me at this time, not physically but spiritually and emotionally. But I'm not giving up on fasting, just taking a step back to evaluate what I have learned before I give it a try again. It's amazing how much we can learn in just a few days. And it is so not what I was expecting to learn! Thank you Lord!!

Back To Reality

So it's been a long time since I have felt inspired to write a post. Not that I feel inspired today necessarily, but I am home sick from school, so why not? A friend of mine asked recently why I hadn't written more about Brazil and I didn't really know what to say. You see, when you go on a mission trip, sometimes words are the last thing you want to use to describe it. There is just no way you could describe such an experience with words, sometimes they just seem so futile. But I was privileged to talk at school about my trip, which forced me to put my abstract thoughts into coherent sentences. I have been so blessed by learning how many people were praying for us, and truly want to hear about our experiences. Sometimes, when someone asks the dreaded worst question ever, "How was your trip?", I really wonder if they want to know. Just like when someone asks "How are you?" Generally, they just want a quick one or two sentance answer. But since I have been back at church in Corvallis, and back at school, I have been blessed by how many people truly want to know about the trip and what God did while we were there. I feel so loved and taken care of. There were even people who missed my presentations both at church and school and want me to come over to their houses to talk about it. What a great gift you could give a missionary, the gift of caring enough that you truly want to know what God is doing in another part of the world. I am so thankful for this church family I have here! And it is so awesome to see how that family is expanding through my new friends at school!
I was a little nervous about how it would be to be at a Bible school at one church and on staff and attending another church. It seems so silly that there is a spirit of "competition" between churches, especially when we are all pressing on towards the same goal, to have Christ as the forefront of our lives, and to love others as He loved us. But, despite that, there is still some sort of competition. But God has been gracious to me, in that I haven't felt "torn" between two church families. Instead, I have felt simply welcomed into another, where they still care about what is going on in my life, even if it involves another church. What a spirit of unity I have been so fortunate to experience! I am so thankful for all these life lessons I am learning while at school, but not necessarily from the curriculum. This year has been such a blessing to me!
I think the other reason I didn't know what to write on a new blog entry was that I am starting to feel restless again. I told myself that I would wait until March to start looking for jobs, and thinking about the future, becuase I want to give this year my full attention, live in the moment where God has me right now. But I can't deny my planner side of my personality either. I want to know where I am going in 5 months. And some of the things I am thinking about doing sound pretty crazy. I don't think I am ready to really talk about them yet, but God is moving in my heart, and that is creating this restless feeling in me. More than anything though, I am excited to see where this all is going to take me. I know it is no mistake that I have spent this year in preparation and training. For what though is what I don't know. What a blessed mystery to have a God who only reveals his plans for us one bit at a time!

We Survived!

We're back!! I can't believe it, but we are already back from Brazil. The 12 day trip absolutely flew by, and was really fun and full of adventures. There is so much to tell, but I will just share a few of the highlights for now. As a leader, this trip was very different from my past two. Being the leader, everything becomes about my team. I wasn't as worried about whether or not I was engaging in ministry with the kids as I was about my team members engaging. And I wasn't as worried about my safety and comfort as I was about my teams'. It was a truly rewarding experience though. I was worried that I was going to be really anxious during the trip and constantly nagging my team members, but the Lord provided His Peace abundantly! I didn't even get anxious at the airport in customs as I ususally do! My team members kept telling me over and over that they were shocked at how laid back I was, and how encouraging it was for them. So your prayers were answered ten fold...thank you so much!

We were constantly busy during the 12 days we were gone. We got there on Friday, late morning, and went directly to camp. We spent the weekend with 45 11-14 year olds (that's right, middle schoolers!) and taught them about the life of Jesus, and the true meaning of Christmas. On Sunday, we came back into the city of Sao Paulo (which has now reached the staggering population of 20 million people) for our first church service. It was so great to be back with my second family. I truly feel as if I have life long friends there now...I can honestly call them family! Monday through Friday we spent half the day working for the ministry, getting things ready for a really busy weekend. In the afternoons we traveled to different favellas doing our VBS program, which again entailed a skit about the true meaning of Christmas (this was a very common theme throughout our time in Brazil). In this skit, I got to play a busy housewife who has no time to think about the true meaning of Christmas...so fun! I even got to wear an apron! :) Wednesday night we helped to host a graduation ceremony for the English students at the ministry. They had asked us to help make it as "American" as possible, so we brought diplomas and graduation caps for the official tassle ceremony. It was such a fun night of celebration and dancing! On Friday and Saturday nights we were able to help with a live nativity event. It was so awesome...over 700 people came through over the 2 nights. On the first night I was part of the crucifixion scene, as Mary. The second night I was the angel who told Mary she was to bear a child and name him Jesus. It was so fun to dress up in costumes and be a part of great witnessing. I know the Lord will bear fruit from this adventure! Also on Saturday, we threw a Christmas Lunch for 500 kids. It was barely controlled chaos, but so much fun nonetheless. We played games with them and presented another skit on the true meaning of Christmas (haha!), fed them a great Christmas lunch, then passed out Christmas presents and candy. It was such a great time! So as you can see, we were so busy, but loving every minute of it. Trust me...we were spent for the Lord! I just pray that in our tiredness, He was glorified.

I will post more about the trip later, after I have had more time to process all the spiritual growth that happened while we were there. We are having our mission report on Sunday, January 4, so hopefully I will have more to say by then! Thank you again for your prayers...they were felt thousands of miles away. And God used you in a way to be a part of a ministry that is so glorifying to God! Love you all and Merry Christmas (Feliz Natal)!

Worn Out

We had some fun at Thanksgiving, as you can see! :)

So back when I thought I was graduating for good in the Spring, I was really looking forward to being done with school. It has been said that college is the most "free" time of your life...which makes sense. There is no family responsibility, no mortgage payments, a day's schedule may only include 2 hours of class...but it's harder then it seems! Maybe now I sound like a naive young person, but I'm just sayin' what I feel :) Never truly being "finished" with a day of work because homework or studying always comes home with you gets to be draining. I am looking forward to the days when I can leave work at work and come home for the evening. So I'm not really sure sometimes why I signed up for another year of school! :) Don't get me wrong, School of Ministry has been awesome, challenging, super fun and so worth it, but right about now...that's right, finals time...I am wondering if I had a serious head injury right before I decided to sign up for another year. I seem to have completly lost all motivation, which really isn't me at all. I don't like this new side of me that I am discovering. It all started about 4 weeks ago when getting up at 6am got much harder to do. Now this is strange, I am a total morning person (after I've had my shower). But I was having to DRAG myself out of bed every morning. One day I just didn't even feel like going to school, so I didn't! I took a "Mental Health Day" which I actually have done for several years now (once a term, I took a day of for no real reason other than a day of rest, and I tried to choose the most busy day on my schedule as well). I couldn't figure out what my problem was. Then last week I had an epiphany. I was shutting down. Every day I get a firehose of information and wisdom shot at me. I count it a good day if I can catch onto a few droplets and tuck them away in my heart. Now I know that's the idea in a one year Bible program like I'm in, but seriously! I was not expecting it to this degree! I was hoping that Thanksgiving break (we were given the whole week off) would help this situation, but it seems to have only compounded the problem. Uh oh! As long as I make it through finals and get my Old Testament reading finished, I will be in a good place to leave for Brazil. I would love your prayers for this issue, and for a restful and refreshing Christmas break.

Speaking of prayers, here are a few ways you can pray for me and the team as we go to:
1. There are SO many details to finish before we leave, I'm trying to use all my time efficiently.
2. This is the first year I am leading the trip alone. Pray for boldness in authority and clarity in decision making.
3. That we would experience unity as a team and learn how to put each other above ourselves.
4. This trip is going to be a very busy one. Pray for effectiveness in our ministry opportunities as well as good times of rest.
Thank you so much for interceding for our team! I can't wait to share all the amazing things God will do on this trip when we return. Blessings as you enter the thick of the holiday season!

4 Weeks!

I can't hardly believe it...but we leave for Brazil in 4 weeks from today! No lie, that puts a little fear (the good kind) in my heart :) It seems like there is still so much to do before we leave...and our schedule seems to be changing daily. But that is so ok...we are learning flexibility. In my years of mission trips, I have learned that a spirit of flexibility is most important. It seems that no matter how well you think you have planned a schedule, something will come up that will force you to readjust...especially when you are in a foreign country, where the stakes always seem to be higher. But this is something I would love to impart to my team...a willingness to be flexible to the leading of the Holy Spirit. I would love our team to be in a place where we are sensitive to His promptings, and willing to act on those even if they seem "out of place" or "out of the schedule". We have found out that we are going to be in Brazil during the busiest week in the history of Restoration Ministries, which is awesome. We get the chance to be a part of some really neat events like a live nativity walk-through, an english class graduation and a christmas lunch for over 300 kids. This is all in addition to our regular VBS and camp activities. It sounds overwhelming and crazy, but I don't think we would have it any other way. Please pray for a continued spirit of flexibility within our team, even as we continue to prepare to leave. The real countdown begins today!

My favorite time of year!

Unfortunately, I can't take the credit for this photo...but it is really close to Corvallis! Fall in Corvallis is amazing...definitely my favorite time of year here. I am so blessed to be able to spend another fall here! Lately, I have been hiking to the top of a butte in town, Chip Ross Park, to enjoy the fall colors. We do this as a school sometimes, as the entrance to the park is literally at the entrance to the church. But I have also gone it alone a few times to study or whatever at the top. Its a great hike, not too strenuous, only about 15 minutes, but it gets your blood pumping enough that you are warm for awhile at the top. I think for me, God's beauty of creation is the most overtly evident in the fall. Seeing the magnificent colors change lets me know that our Creator God is all the more magnificent in His Glory! I also like the month of October for the plethora of costumes to be worn (I am so excited for Friday!), the pumpkins to be carved, the yummy spiced things to be eaten and drank, and the signal of the coming of the Holiday season. This year, I am going to dress as "Susie Homemaker" for Halloween, although only during the day. Friday night, I am working at a childrens Harvest Carnival at the fairgrounds for school. My classmates and I are responsible for "Bible Land" where we get to dress up as Bible characters and tell our stories to the kids as they walk through...so cool! That means two costumes in one day...I'm so happy! :) I am not sure yet who I will be playing, but pictures will follow soon!

School has been going well...although we have midterms this week. I may change my opinion after this week. :) I thought I could give you a little taste of what we have been learning. In my prayer class two weeks ago, we had to write devotionals based off of a passage of scripture about prayer. The boys did one passage (Luke 11:5-13) and the girls did another (Luke 18:1-8). Both are great passages about praying with persistence, or boldness. Here is the devotional I wrote:

In the parable of the persistent widow, Jesus is contrasting himself/God with the unjust judge. The judge responded to the woman's pleas because he became frustrated and impatient. But God is giving the woman what she asks for because she was persistent, not relenting in her request. She was also asking for something good, something that would be in line with God's will, by asking for justice. We know God is a just God; therefore he wants to grant justice to his children as well. He is choosing to give the widow something that is in line with his character.
The application I take from this passage is two-fold. First, I see the value of praying persistently. This is something that challenges me, because a lot of times I become like the unjust judge, and get impatient with God's timing. But I know that if I am praying in line with God's will, he will give me the things I ask for. The tricky part is the timing, which is my second application. Verse 8 is a promise from God, that he will answer prayers, and quickly. But what does quickly mean to God? In my experience, it is much different than my definition of quickly! This is encouraging and discouraging at the same time. It is encouraging to remember that he is hearing my prayers, and he wants me to continue praying for them. But it is discouraging because I have to keep going! But I have faith in his timing, even if I don't understand it sometimes (ok...most of the time) and I will continue to boldly approach his throne to ask for things that are good, that are in line with his character, and are according to his will.

What's new?

The annual family feud football weekend happened last weekend as OSU stomped on WSU...sorry dad! We were given tickets, and got to enjoy the game from really great seats. What a blessing! We also had a sweet tailgater before the game, as you can see in the picture. Complete with a cardboard box table! So innovative! :) Maybe next year we will have to take our feud on the road and travel to the game in Pulman.

This weekend another friend is getting married, Mikaela. Ashley and I were asked to do the flowers for the wedding, which is kinda fun. I see a new career "budding" on the horizon! :) Actually, doing your own flowers is pretty easy...except for the wrist corsages. That took a little figuring out, but I think they turned out ok. So this is my last wedding for the season, and boy am I glad. At the end of every wedding season, I get really tired of going to them. So that's a clue if you are getting married in the future. Plan your wedding early in the season and people won't be wedding-ed out yet. :) Its funny to think that before college I could count on probably one hand the number of weddings I had been to. Now I think I would need about five hands and five feet! I guess it's a life stage thing.

Not much else new is happening...just schooling away. I am really loving my classes...it is such a blessing to be able to take this year and kind of set it apart for the Lord. It is amazing though how much work their is. It is definitely an ego check for me, because I thought since I got through my Master's program, I could do anything academic-wise. But this is really challenging, for two reasons. One, I am having to think about my beliefs, and the Bible I have read my whole life in a really different way. Sometimes it is all I can do to wrap my head around the concepts we are learning. Second, I am always trying to make sure I am not only learning with my head (which comes really naturally for me) but also with my heart. This is proving to be much more challenging than I ever would have thought! But it is a challenge that I am loving to embrace. And I know spiritual growth will result.