Spring Break

I can't believe that spring term is here already! I only have two more months of school left which is crazy! Spring break was last week, and while it was not very restful, it was super fun. I helped lead a group of 12 college students to Seattle to do a week of service in the city. A friend and I, the blurry one pictured above spent the last several months planning the trip, finding places for us to volunteer. We were gone from March 21-28 and accomplished so much in that week. We spent one morning walking around downtown handing out sack lunches and fresh socks to homeless people, worked with the Salvation Army and their after school tutoring program (so fun!), worked at two different food banks breaking bulk and packaging food, and did several different things with a great organization called the Lifelong AIDS Alliance.

Just a few highlights....one afternoon a group of 6 of us packed over 12,000 pounds of pears in just 3 hours; another morning, we scoured the downtown area of Renton, the suburb we stayed in, offering "random acts of kindness" to area businesses. We washed windows, cleaned bathrooms, swept sidewalks, and tried to spread cheer; we ate dinner at several different ethnic restaurants over the week including Indian food, Vietnamese Pho, Ethiaopian, and Greek food. Yummy!

I think my favorite part of the trip was working with Lifelong AIDS Alliance. They are not a Christian organization, but that was part of why it was my favorite. This group of people work so hard to make sure AIDS patients, especially homebound ones, recieve nutritious meals every day along with groceries and counciling support. They have a large food warehouse, along with a kitchen that makes AMAZING food, and a thrift store to help financially support their work. The people there were so awesome, really committed to what they do. The awesome thing was they said churches don't often volunteer with them, and they were really suprised with our willingness to do whatever they asked of us, including packaging condoms to hand out at high schools, and how hardworking we were. Hopefully God used us in some small way to open doors in these people's hearts, and maybe help to start repairing the giant rift between the church and the gay community.

I also really enjoyed the people on the trip. There were 12 of us, and we got along really well and just had fun together. I love how trips like that can form great friendships really quickly since you are together so much, and working alongside these people. What a great group! All in all, it was a great spring break, even if it wasn't very relaxing. I still feel re-energized for this new term of school and ready to get back into the routine of life.

Living a Life Blessed

Today has been a gorgeous, sunny day in Corvallis. How is it so much easier to be happy and feel fulfilled when the sun is out? I am sitting with the windows open in my apartment (still have a blanket on, but the windows are open!) just reflecting on all the amazing blessing I have gotten to experience in my life in the last 12 months. So I thought, being the list maker that I am, I would make a list! :) So here it goes, things I am so thankful are a part of my life right now:

• Skype - how else does one talk to their best friend who lives across an ocean in China?
• School of Ministry - what a great year spent with precious people learning the word of God. Today we talked about Revelation (which usually is pretty intimidating to me) and I was absolutly riveted by the sheer power and lovingkindness of God. And where else do you get to wear Bible costumes, or "smiting" costumes (never did find a reference in the Bible to a time where God strikes someone down with lightning, but it is so dramatic in a costume...see above photo), or do puppet shows based on Habakkuk?
• Parents who clean my house - in an outpouring of graciousness, my amazing parents came to Corvallis and cleaned my messy house when I was sick for the second time in two weeks.
• Aforementioned house - I love my apartment, and I love living alone (no offense former roommates!). This year has been great for me to learn some independance and for me to truly be alone with God and accept his love for me in a way I have never felt before.
• Food Stamps - thank you government for helping me afford fresh produce! I attribute part of my health to you!
• A brother - in town to help me hang pictures, kill bugs, help me with computer problems, bring me gatorade and saltines when I am sick, and generally let me pester him about anything and everything
  
• Brazil friends - from all three trips, both Brazilian and American. There is nothing like having "heart friends" who understand a part of you that no one else really can.
• Master's Degree - yep, it is proudly displayed on my bookshelf in the living room. Thank you God for getting me through those two years!
• Best friends and best cousins getting married - what a good excuse to be girly!
• Deep conversations - even if sometimes they are hard, or make my cry, I have had some of the best conversations recently. I love how God can teach me through other people.
• Sunny weather - I know it's not flip flop time yet, but it is just around the corner! My toes are so excited to be free from socks!!
• Holidays - the best one is coming up next week...St. Patricks Day! Love that holiday, must have something to do with being a Sheldon Fighting Irish :)
• A loving Heavenly Father who sees fit to lavish such blessing on me, when I am so undeserving! "What love you lavish on me.... my heart is overflowing!"

A Little Direction in the Fog

First, I am getting excited to be in Kelsey's wedding in July...woo!

Second, exciting news friends! I have officially decided that I want to be a teacher when I grow up (which hopefully will be soon, since I only have 3 months of school left!)! I am really excited to finally have some sort of direction...although that's as far as the direction goes :) I have no idea where I will teach, or what age group (hopefully either community college or university level, but maybe high school too), or how I am going to find said job in this fabulous economy, but I am so ok with that! Over the last several years I have seen so clearly how God has kept me exactly where He wanted me to be, regardless if it made sense to me or not. And because of this I can have faith that this will continue as I start to discern what is coming in the future. At this point I am looking into every possiblity I can. There are a few job postings at community colleges in California that I am going to apply for, as well as some contacts at Linn-Benton Community College in Albany. I am also going to send resumes to a few private high schools in Oregon and see where that gets me. I am so thankful for a little direction in the fog that is my future and looking forward to what is going to happen over the next few months. Thank you Lord!

On Fasting

This week has been an interesting one to say the least. My school, and the church it is a part of (Calvary Chapel Corvallis) has been participating in a week-long fast congregationally. In case you're unsure, fasting is denying the physical in search of the spiritual. Generally, people go without food for a period of time for different reasons. It can be to seek direction from God, to humble yourself before God, to enter into greater worship of God, or to consecrate yourself for God's purposes. The church was encouraged to do a juice fast from Sunday, February 1 (yes, Super Bowl Sunday) to Saturday, February 7. A juice fast allows for participants to drink juices, or even broths, but eat no solid foods, or whole liquid foods like milk. Other types include a fruits and vegetables fast, where you only eat fruit and veggies, a water fast, where you only drink water, or fasts from other types of things, such as a media fast or whatever. I chose to do a daylight fast, where I didn't eat breakfast or lunch, but ate dinner.

The biggest thing I learned through this week has been that I am SO WEAK!! If you are looking for a humbling perspective, fasting is a great way to find it! I was shocked at how challenging it was to deny myself the instant gratification that food provides. I was unable to go more than 3 1/2 days without breaking my fast, twice. And I was even eating one meal a day! The amount of guilt and self-condemnation I experienced as a result was truly devastating. And I found myself so prone to comparisons. I felt that because I wasn't doing a full juice fast, I was somehow "less spiritual" that everyone else. And I was so quick to assume that I was the only one who had failed. Wednesday and Thursday were pretty low days for me.

But I learned something through all this. My spirituality is not based on anyone else. My spirituality is based on my own relationship with God and how obedient I am to what He has called me to. When I am walking in what He has called me to, I am at my own spiritual high. This has nothing to do with emotions, or what anyone else is doing, or even how many "good deeds" I am doing. It is a state of surrender and submission to the Master Planner, and trusting in what He has for me. And more than surrender and submission and trusting, I am moving forward in what God has called ME to, not anyone else. How freeing this truth is! It reminds me of a passage in John 21:20-22. Jesus is talking with Peter, telling him what he is to do with his life, "Feed my sheep". Peter asks Jesus about the calling on John's life, and Jesus' reply totally cuts down Peter's thought process. He says, "If I want him to remain alive until I return, whit is that to you? You must follow me." It's not about what God has called anyone else to, it's about what He has called me to. And this calling is what He uniquely created me for, no one else can do it exactly as I can.

So, needless to say, I have ended my fast two days early. But I don't feel bad about that any more. It honestly wasn't a healthy thing for me at this time, not physically but spiritually and emotionally. But I'm not giving up on fasting, just taking a step back to evaluate what I have learned before I give it a try again. It's amazing how much we can learn in just a few days. And it is so not what I was expecting to learn! Thank you Lord!!

Back To Reality

So it's been a long time since I have felt inspired to write a post. Not that I feel inspired today necessarily, but I am home sick from school, so why not? A friend of mine asked recently why I hadn't written more about Brazil and I didn't really know what to say. You see, when you go on a mission trip, sometimes words are the last thing you want to use to describe it. There is just no way you could describe such an experience with words, sometimes they just seem so futile. But I was privileged to talk at school about my trip, which forced me to put my abstract thoughts into coherent sentences. I have been so blessed by learning how many people were praying for us, and truly want to hear about our experiences. Sometimes, when someone asks the dreaded worst question ever, "How was your trip?", I really wonder if they want to know. Just like when someone asks "How are you?" Generally, they just want a quick one or two sentance answer. But since I have been back at church in Corvallis, and back at school, I have been blessed by how many people truly want to know about the trip and what God did while we were there. I feel so loved and taken care of. There were even people who missed my presentations both at church and school and want me to come over to their houses to talk about it. What a great gift you could give a missionary, the gift of caring enough that you truly want to know what God is doing in another part of the world. I am so thankful for this church family I have here! And it is so awesome to see how that family is expanding through my new friends at school!
I was a little nervous about how it would be to be at a Bible school at one church and on staff and attending another church. It seems so silly that there is a spirit of "competition" between churches, especially when we are all pressing on towards the same goal, to have Christ as the forefront of our lives, and to love others as He loved us. But, despite that, there is still some sort of competition. But God has been gracious to me, in that I haven't felt "torn" between two church families. Instead, I have felt simply welcomed into another, where they still care about what is going on in my life, even if it involves another church. What a spirit of unity I have been so fortunate to experience! I am so thankful for all these life lessons I am learning while at school, but not necessarily from the curriculum. This year has been such a blessing to me!
I think the other reason I didn't know what to write on a new blog entry was that I am starting to feel restless again. I told myself that I would wait until March to start looking for jobs, and thinking about the future, becuase I want to give this year my full attention, live in the moment where God has me right now. But I can't deny my planner side of my personality either. I want to know where I am going in 5 months. And some of the things I am thinking about doing sound pretty crazy. I don't think I am ready to really talk about them yet, but God is moving in my heart, and that is creating this restless feeling in me. More than anything though, I am excited to see where this all is going to take me. I know it is no mistake that I have spent this year in preparation and training. For what though is what I don't know. What a blessed mystery to have a God who only reveals his plans for us one bit at a time!

We Survived!

We're back!! I can't believe it, but we are already back from Brazil. The 12 day trip absolutely flew by, and was really fun and full of adventures. There is so much to tell, but I will just share a few of the highlights for now. As a leader, this trip was very different from my past two. Being the leader, everything becomes about my team. I wasn't as worried about whether or not I was engaging in ministry with the kids as I was about my team members engaging. And I wasn't as worried about my safety and comfort as I was about my teams'. It was a truly rewarding experience though. I was worried that I was going to be really anxious during the trip and constantly nagging my team members, but the Lord provided His Peace abundantly! I didn't even get anxious at the airport in customs as I ususally do! My team members kept telling me over and over that they were shocked at how laid back I was, and how encouraging it was for them. So your prayers were answered ten fold...thank you so much!

We were constantly busy during the 12 days we were gone. We got there on Friday, late morning, and went directly to camp. We spent the weekend with 45 11-14 year olds (that's right, middle schoolers!) and taught them about the life of Jesus, and the true meaning of Christmas. On Sunday, we came back into the city of Sao Paulo (which has now reached the staggering population of 20 million people) for our first church service. It was so great to be back with my second family. I truly feel as if I have life long friends there now...I can honestly call them family! Monday through Friday we spent half the day working for the ministry, getting things ready for a really busy weekend. In the afternoons we traveled to different favellas doing our VBS program, which again entailed a skit about the true meaning of Christmas (this was a very common theme throughout our time in Brazil). In this skit, I got to play a busy housewife who has no time to think about the true meaning of Christmas...so fun! I even got to wear an apron! :) Wednesday night we helped to host a graduation ceremony for the English students at the ministry. They had asked us to help make it as "American" as possible, so we brought diplomas and graduation caps for the official tassle ceremony. It was such a fun night of celebration and dancing! On Friday and Saturday nights we were able to help with a live nativity event. It was so awesome...over 700 people came through over the 2 nights. On the first night I was part of the crucifixion scene, as Mary. The second night I was the angel who told Mary she was to bear a child and name him Jesus. It was so fun to dress up in costumes and be a part of great witnessing. I know the Lord will bear fruit from this adventure! Also on Saturday, we threw a Christmas Lunch for 500 kids. It was barely controlled chaos, but so much fun nonetheless. We played games with them and presented another skit on the true meaning of Christmas (haha!), fed them a great Christmas lunch, then passed out Christmas presents and candy. It was such a great time! So as you can see, we were so busy, but loving every minute of it. Trust me...we were spent for the Lord! I just pray that in our tiredness, He was glorified.

I will post more about the trip later, after I have had more time to process all the spiritual growth that happened while we were there. We are having our mission report on Sunday, January 4, so hopefully I will have more to say by then! Thank you again for your prayers...they were felt thousands of miles away. And God used you in a way to be a part of a ministry that is so glorifying to God! Love you all and Merry Christmas (Feliz Natal)!

Worn Out

We had some fun at Thanksgiving, as you can see! :)

So back when I thought I was graduating for good in the Spring, I was really looking forward to being done with school. It has been said that college is the most "free" time of your life...which makes sense. There is no family responsibility, no mortgage payments, a day's schedule may only include 2 hours of class...but it's harder then it seems! Maybe now I sound like a naive young person, but I'm just sayin' what I feel :) Never truly being "finished" with a day of work because homework or studying always comes home with you gets to be draining. I am looking forward to the days when I can leave work at work and come home for the evening. So I'm not really sure sometimes why I signed up for another year of school! :) Don't get me wrong, School of Ministry has been awesome, challenging, super fun and so worth it, but right about now...that's right, finals time...I am wondering if I had a serious head injury right before I decided to sign up for another year. I seem to have completly lost all motivation, which really isn't me at all. I don't like this new side of me that I am discovering. It all started about 4 weeks ago when getting up at 6am got much harder to do. Now this is strange, I am a total morning person (after I've had my shower). But I was having to DRAG myself out of bed every morning. One day I just didn't even feel like going to school, so I didn't! I took a "Mental Health Day" which I actually have done for several years now (once a term, I took a day of for no real reason other than a day of rest, and I tried to choose the most busy day on my schedule as well). I couldn't figure out what my problem was. Then last week I had an epiphany. I was shutting down. Every day I get a firehose of information and wisdom shot at me. I count it a good day if I can catch onto a few droplets and tuck them away in my heart. Now I know that's the idea in a one year Bible program like I'm in, but seriously! I was not expecting it to this degree! I was hoping that Thanksgiving break (we were given the whole week off) would help this situation, but it seems to have only compounded the problem. Uh oh! As long as I make it through finals and get my Old Testament reading finished, I will be in a good place to leave for Brazil. I would love your prayers for this issue, and for a restful and refreshing Christmas break.

Speaking of prayers, here are a few ways you can pray for me and the team as we go to:
1. There are SO many details to finish before we leave, I'm trying to use all my time efficiently.
2. This is the first year I am leading the trip alone. Pray for boldness in authority and clarity in decision making.
3. That we would experience unity as a team and learn how to put each other above ourselves.
4. This trip is going to be a very busy one. Pray for effectiveness in our ministry opportunities as well as good times of rest.
Thank you so much for interceding for our team! I can't wait to share all the amazing things God will do on this trip when we return. Blessings as you enter the thick of the holiday season!